Fun on Pornhub

Did you know that Pornhub can be used as a social network for those who feel like showing off from time to time?  Just testing the waters.  It can be an interesting experience when you are in the right mood.



About to jerkoff

Helping Honest People be more Honest

One interesting feature of the statistics on STDs is that it seems to be so rare to meet someone who actually has them.  Yet, according to US data roughly 50 percent of the population has HPV 1 and 20 percent HPV 2.  This is only 2 of the possible 8 types.  If we throw in warts, yeast infections, hepatitis, the percentage of the population that has at least one disease is far higher.  How does this square with the ads that one sees on sexy dating sites?  Virtually everyone on these sites either states that they are disease free, or leaves you with that impression.

How is this possible? The underlying reality is actually complex, but for the sake of a blog there are two simple ideas.  First, if they put down the truth, they would get less responses to their ad.  Second, many people do not want to know the truth.  If they feel fine, then that is good enough for them.   It is not a surprise, when you go to a sexual health clinic that you almost never see anyone who looks like a swinger.

Some forms of dishonesty are to some extent harmless.  If someone reduces their age or only shows the most flattering photos possible, at worst there might be a bad encounter.  However, if we move into a world where everyone can say that they are clean, and that the really cool people have bareback sex, where is this going to lead?  It won't happen overnight but it is not a place we want to go.

So what can be done?  No one is suggesting that you have sex with someone you don't want to.  However, if everyone is really honest about their status, then having a minor STD will not seem as big a deal.  In a world like that, there may be more sex than ever!

I actually have HSV 1 on the genital region, which is not uncommon for swingers

Spiritual BDSM: accidents don't happen, they are caused . . .

Spiritual BDSM: accidents don't happen, they are caused . . .

I am reposting this link to another person's blog because there is a wide-spread sentiment that concerns about safety with rope play are exaggerated.   The reasons that the accident happened are only of secondary importance.  What is important is that it happened and how it was handled after.  I leave it for the reader to decide if anything was learned.

Stealth Bare Back Sex

At all swinging events the official policy is that safe sex is encouraged.  This is great because people, especially new people, need to feel safe.  It is accepted that there is an undercurrent of those who like to go bareback.  Regardless of what one might think about that, it is something that you can live with provided they keep it to themselves.

My girlfriend and I were rudely awakened to the extent to the bareback sex crowd is becoming more pervasive.  One weekend when I was out of town, she decided to be brave and go to a swing club by herself as a single woman.  She was having a good time until she went to play with a couple.  They seemed like a respectable couple, especially since he was even in the Canadian military. A lot of stuff started happening and it all seemed like fun until she realized that he had been having sex with her from behind without a condom.

Is this the new default behaviour?  These unfortunate events tarnish all swingers with a bad name.  It takes a lot of courage to go to a swinging event alone as a single woman.   When your worst fear is realized on the first night, it is going to put a damper on future plans.  If stories like this keep floating around, it is going to continue to be rare for single woman to go to these events, even if they get in for a very low price.  On the flip side, if those guys see more stories about their behaviour on the Internet, things may change.

A sign of a good time?

Privacy and the kinky lifestyle

It's all about risk.  There are people who put their sexy pics with their face on the Internet and have no regrets.  Others ask a girlfriend in a monogamous relationship to do something kinky and a few months after they break up, everyone seems to know about it.  It is not always fair but it is reality.

Still there are degrees of risk.  If you accept that you are kinky, then there is always a small degree of risk no matter what you do.  However, your choice of actions do count and can have a dramatic impact on that risk.

A lot of the risk is caused by the behaviour of other people.  You can have certain expectations about how they should behave but you have to accept the risk of disappointment.  Your choices should reflect the possible bad choices of others.  Who you take risks with counts.

Essentially, it is all about how easy you are recognized and how often you are visible.  If you are only seen by a few people and your visual appearance is dramatically different, then the odds are that you could enjoy a kinky life style for twenty years with no repercussions.   If you post a large number of pictures associated with your name on multiple sites showing you having sex with multiple partners, it is just a matter of months until your boss calls you into an office for a private chat.  Between the two extremes, there are many risk factors that you have a lot of control over with a bit of discipline. You can certainly control the following:

1. Use a scene name consistently.  Most people are outed by other people knowing your legal name.
2. Avoid conflict.  Most people are outed by people who are mad at them.
3. Minimize on going to large local events where you may run into someone you know.  If you do, go to ones in different cities.
4. Avoid getting your picture taken. You never know where it will turn up.
5. If you do have your picture taken, avoid having a lot of them in a profile associated with yourself.

Nothing is certain in this life.  Still, if you follow these five rules, your kinky other life should not cause problems in your daily life.  

Two is the least common number and seven the most.  What are the risks?

Wealth of writers in the Internet Age

Like many people who read a lot, I have been bitten by the urge to write.  There has always been a special romance to it.  However, even when I was a university student, I was aware of the census data that showed writers living for the most part in poverty.  Still the dream lived on, and here I am writing my first blog.

In the 80s, it was an epic undertaking to write a novel.  Writing out 100,000 words by hand, typing it up and then editing it took a tremendous discipline.  I of course started a few times but never completed anything of significance.

Then the word processor happened.  Suddenly, those ideas came to life, I even wrote a short novel of about 70 thousand words.  I got a lot of positive feedback from a friend.  I felt good about doing it and enjoyed reading my own novel.  I sent it off to a publisher, and there was complete silence.

Thinking that I did something wrong, I signed up for a writing course.  After a few classes of being in a room with 10 people, I realized that most of the people in the room had done the same thing.  Even the teacher was being ignored when he sent his manuscripts off.  At that point my mathematical training kicked in and I realized that if there are 10 people in a small classroom in a small city, then the publishers must be receiving 1000s of novels each year.

After quitting a class that I knew was not going to get me anywhere, I put my economically worthless novel on the shelf and forgot about it, although I did enjoy reading it a few times.  Years went by and I enjoyed reading many great novels.  Then I stumbled upon a muse in Fetlife.  I was befriended by someone who could never meet in real time but wanted an online relationship as he was committed.  He said that he liked stories.  Well the stories came.

My three short stories are now on Amazon Kindle.  Publishing there is easy, and there is no rejection from publishers to worry about.  The first story Three Steps to Sluthood was a fantasy directly projected at my muse.  Her Fetlife avatar even had the same name as the protagonist.  However, the protagonist got to live out the fantasy of a forced gangbang that the real life Ashley could only dream about.  Two more stories came soon after with the inspiration of my new muse.

Then we met.  Yes, the sex was great, for a while.  Now without a muse, I am stopped at three short stories.  I wrote them without making effort.  If I tried now, it would be another story.

Who knows what life will bring.

Lance Hermes

I am not always behind a keyboard.