Helping Honest People be more Honest

One interesting feature of the statistics on STDs is that it seems to be so rare to meet someone who actually has them.  Yet, according to US data roughly 50 percent of the population has HPV 1 and 20 percent HPV 2.  This is only 2 of the possible 8 types.  If we throw in warts, yeast infections, hepatitis, the percentage of the population that has at least one disease is far higher.  How does this square with the ads that one sees on sexy dating sites?  Virtually everyone on these sites either states that they are disease free, or leaves you with that impression.

How is this possible? The underlying reality is actually complex, but for the sake of a blog there are two simple ideas.  First, if they put down the truth, they would get less responses to their ad.  Second, many people do not want to know the truth.  If they feel fine, then that is good enough for them.   It is not a surprise, when you go to a sexual health clinic that you almost never see anyone who looks like a swinger.

Some forms of dishonesty are to some extent harmless.  If someone reduces their age or only shows the most flattering photos possible, at worst there might be a bad encounter.  However, if we move into a world where everyone can say that they are clean, and that the really cool people have bareback sex, where is this going to lead?  It won't happen overnight but it is not a place we want to go.

So what can be done?  No one is suggesting that you have sex with someone you don't want to.  However, if everyone is really honest about their status, then having a minor STD will not seem as big a deal.  In a world like that, there may be more sex than ever!

I actually have HSV 1 on the genital region, which is not uncommon for swingers

Stealth Bare Back Sex

At all swinging events the official policy is that safe sex is encouraged.  This is great because people, especially new people, need to feel safe.  It is accepted that there is an undercurrent of those who like to go bareback.  Regardless of what one might think about that, it is something that you can live with provided they keep it to themselves.

My girlfriend and I were rudely awakened to the extent to the bareback sex crowd is becoming more pervasive.  One weekend when I was out of town, she decided to be brave and go to a swing club by herself as a single woman.  She was having a good time until she went to play with a couple.  They seemed like a respectable couple, especially since he was even in the Canadian military. A lot of stuff started happening and it all seemed like fun until she realized that he had been having sex with her from behind without a condom.

Is this the new default behaviour?  These unfortunate events tarnish all swingers with a bad name.  It takes a lot of courage to go to a swinging event alone as a single woman.   When your worst fear is realized on the first night, it is going to put a damper on future plans.  If stories like this keep floating around, it is going to continue to be rare for single woman to go to these events, even if they get in for a very low price.  On the flip side, if those guys see more stories about their behaviour on the Internet, things may change.

A sign of a good time?